


Safeword

by lemonypond



Series: Manscaping [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Mentions of Fitz, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-21
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 13:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1146647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonypond/pseuds/lemonypond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the "Bad Girl Shenanigans" at the Hub, Skye decides to coach Simmons in the art of lying. It goes about as well as you'd expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safeword

Skye and Simmons sat down together for lunch one day in the galley of the Bus. Simmons made a cup of tea, and Skye grabbed a soda from the fridge. They each made sandwiches and sat down at the small table. 

“Simmons, you are a _terrible_ liar. The worst,” Skye began before taking the first bite of her sandwich. “Have you ever told a lie in your life?” 

Jemma started her lunch on the defensive. “Yes! Yes of course I have, don’t be silly, Skye.” 

“Successfully told a lie?” Skye continued, eyebrows raised. 

“No.” Jemma frowned. 

“That’s what I thought. You are the _worst_ ,” Skye said triumphantly. Jemma frowned even more at her statement. 

“Was it really _that_ bad?” Jemma asked earnestly. 

“YOU SHOT AGENT SITWELL.” Skye emphatically reminded her. 

“I know!” Jemma cringed. “I honestly don’t know how May got me out of that one. I was certain I was going to get court-martialed, or sent to the Fridge.” 

Skye sighed and sat down her soda, with a hint of annoyance she told Simmons the truth about what happened after their Hub misadventure. “Technically speaking, May told the Hub that I shot Sitwell. You had nothing to do with it.” 

“WHAT. Why? Why would she do that?” Jemma asked, quite alarmed at the revelation. 

“Because it was a smart move. You are indispensable to the team. Because she knew you’d get shipped away and technically I’m not an agent, _and_ I’m already under house arrest anyway,” Skye explained, holding up her arm to reveal her bracelet. 

“I don’t understand. Why did you take the blame? I’m the one who got us into trouble!” Jemma was still panicked. 

“Because we’re a _team_ Simmons. Duh. We look out for each other, because no one else will. Didn’t you learn anything from our “ _bad girl shenanigans?”_ Skye attempted her best Simmons impression. “You know, for someone so smart, you’re pretty thick headed.” 

The tension released from Jemma’s face. She took a sip of tea and sat the cup on the table. “I..I don’t know what to say. Thank you Skye.” 

“No problem, you’re welcome,” Skye smirked. “I’ve already got one demerit, what’s one more anyway?” She took another bite of her sandwich. 

“You didn’t have to do that, but you did, for me. Thanks.” Jemma took another sip of her tea. “It was quite spectacular wasn’t it, though? I mean, what with all the sneaking, and the shooting, and the dragging of Sitwell’s unconscious body.” 

Skye laughed. “If by ‘spectacular _’_ you mean insane, then yes. It was “ _spectacular.”_ She again tried her best Simmons impression.  “You conveniently forgot the part _where you’re a TERRIBLE liar._ We’ve got to work on your lying ability under pressure. You’ve got to be better.” 

“But why? I really don’t feel comfortable…” Jemma begain. 

Skye leaned forward over the table, looking Jemma straight in the eyes. “Why? Because believe it or not you are NOT always going to be in your safe, secure lab. Fitz had to go to Ossetia, remember? You will be out of your comfort zone at some point, and probably more than once. Because one of our lives may someday depend on it.  Coulson, Ward and May, us,” Skye took a dramatic pause, knowing the biochemist’s weak spot. “Fitz. Fitz’s life could depend on your ability to lie one day.” 

With that last statement, Jemma looked like a sad puppy. “Ok. You’re right, what do we do?” she asked, sitting up taller, hands wrapped around her tea cup. 

“I’ll teach you. Yeah. I’ll be your S.O. of lying and other deceptive techniques.” Skye leaned back with a smug grin. “This’ll be good. It’ll be like teaching someone to code. You can’t do a complex hack until you learn the basics. We’ll just go one line at a time.” 

When Jemma Simmons resolved to do something, there was no stopping her. She didn’t finish the Academy three years early based on her looks. She finished three years early because she didn’t know how to quit. Unfortunately, she also didn’t know how to lie, which is why she agreed to let Skye teach her. 

“Should I grab a notebook? Or…” Jemma asked. 

Skye laughed in wonder at the ridiculous woman across from her. “What? No! Just…listen. Ok. What if…” Skye sat a moment pondering carefully how to approach. “What if…ok. What if you were working on an experiment and you couldn’t crack how to get the solution you hypothesized?” 

Jemma smiled. “Oh that’s easy. I’d just talk it over with Fitz, that’s what we always do.” 

Skye narrowed her eyes. “Yes. But what if…hear me out. I know this is crazy, but what if Fitz wasn’t there? How would you go about it?” 

Jemma pondered the hacker’s words and chuckled politely to herself. “Well where else would he be? I mean, it’s _Fitz._ ” Her head bounced around as she smirked as if it were the most absurd question she’d ever heard. 

“Wow….Ok. Wow. This is going to be harder than I thought. How many PhDs do you have again? Skye was all but flabbergasted. 

Jemma took a sip of her tea and placed it on the table. “Two. How did you not know that?” She replied, holding her fingers up to indicate the number two as she leaned back comfortably in her chair. 

“Riiiiight.” Skye was beginning to regret this lunch altogether. “Let’s try a different approach. OK…” she paused. “Let’s see….we’ll start with just you and me. Let’s say you were planning a surprise party for Fitz.” 

Jemma nodded. “That seems plausible. Continue.” 

“Plausible. Ok. I’ll take plausible,” Skye leaned back taking in the scene in front of her. Jemma Simmons, certified genius, holder of two PhDs before the age of twenty three, listening to her every word as if Skye was a Nobel Laureate.  “I call you on your phone from here, in the kitchen so that I can talk to you about the cake.” 

“Double fudge with cream cheese frosting,” Jemma answered quickly. 

“Good to know. Focus. When I call you, it turns out that you’re in the lab with Fitz rather than your bunk, which is where I thought you would be when I called. Fitz is eavesdropping on the conversation, like he always does. What do you do?” 

“He _does_ do that,” Jemma’s eyes narrowed, and her mouth drew into a line as she took in what Skye was describing. A passerby might have mistaken her for trying a DeNiro impression. 

“FOCUS, SIMMONS!” Skye wanted to reach across the table and shake the biochemist. 

“I would punch him in the arm and tell him to go away,” Jemma answered casually. 

“Then what,” Skye pushed further. “What if he was still listening?” 

“I’d threaten him with a biological specimen.” 

“Ok. Eeeew.  What if. Na ah ahhh. WHAT IF. You couldn’t do that. What if he was listening and you were stuck in the lab, and you had to convey to me that he was there and you couldn’t talk. A safeword, if you will. What’s the one word in the English language that makes Fitz uncomfortable if you brought it up? 

Jemma looked nervous, like she was taking an exam for a class she never took. “Manscaping!” she exclaimed. Her eyes widened with a look of shock and she clasped her hands over her mouth.

Skye almost did a spit take. She really didn’t want to know. Well that’s a lie. She _desperately_ wanted to know. But this was neither the time, nor the place. “Gooooooood! Perfect! We're going to talk about THAT later...So now, in the future, if you and I are ever in a situation where there’s someone around that should not be, that is our safeword. You say “Manscaping” and I’ll know someone is listening. Got it?” 

Jemma nodded proudly. 

Skye stood up to leave and clapped her hand on Jemma’s shoulder. “Baby steps, Simmons. Baby steps.”


End file.
